id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
