Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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