He uses pillows to masturbate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
