did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
