yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
