I wish I could teleport
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
