is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
