there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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