so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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