I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize