worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
