i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
