party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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