I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
