Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
