I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
