you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
