If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
