I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
