my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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