Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
two words: eviction party
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
