Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
