My room smells like vodka and shame
You're so nebulous sometimes
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
