Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
