my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
