He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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