we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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