Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
