She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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