The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
