Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
