I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
