At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize