dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
