Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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