she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize