I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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