How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
