I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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