dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
