Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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