I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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