as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
