i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
