my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
now i know why i became what i already was.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
