You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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