If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
