i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
