Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
