I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
