Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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