It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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