were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
