I could have mohawked her pubes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
