If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
