I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
