I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
