stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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