Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
