he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
