You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
