I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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